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[ this is thin ice. peggy had made a life for herself -- a viable philosophy, of sorts -- in ignoring what others thought. their opinions didn't (and shouldn't) matter. and indeed she still did not care what ray palmer thought of her, agent peggy carter of the ssr and of 1947.
but suddenly (inexplicably, to her) it matters what he thought of that other version. it's a by-product of her first proper mind-altering event: it's blurred a line and made it harder to separate the parts of her that bleed too easily into that other personality. she'd been happier, maybe, but her days had felt so meaningless.
she smiled more; she achieved less. ]
I don't. [ she exhales. ] Only -- only you're the one suggesting my problem is in how I see that version of me. The second problem built atop the first problem is that how I see 'her' isn't exactly unbiased. Nowhere near.
[ nor will his be, of course, but it's a damn shot nearer to it than her own checklist of complaints. ]
but suddenly (inexplicably, to her) it matters what he thought of that other version. it's a by-product of her first proper mind-altering event: it's blurred a line and made it harder to separate the parts of her that bleed too easily into that other personality. she'd been happier, maybe, but her days had felt so meaningless.
she smiled more; she achieved less. ]
I don't. [ she exhales. ] Only -- only you're the one suggesting my problem is in how I see that version of me. The second problem built atop the first problem is that how I see 'her' isn't exactly unbiased. Nowhere near.
[ nor will his be, of course, but it's a damn shot nearer to it than her own checklist of complaints. ]
You're the one who called to tell me not to ask you for coffee.
[ you started it, he might as well say. but he relents, if only because he'd claimed to want to help her. and maybe in part because he needs some help here, too. ]
Look, I don't know if I see her in any specific way, but it's not easy for me to let go of connections from these kinds of events.
[ the worst part is that this could have happened even without the event. he'd come on too strongly to darcy too, after his mirror had revealed himself to her. he'd felt responsible for making it better when he'd had nothing to do with it. he's fumbling now, because for ray this isn't necessarily an event problem. it's a ray palmer one. ]
It's not so much that I think of you tying my tie for me-- which is ridiculous by the way. It's more that I see you as someone I care about, even though I don't really know you.
[ you started it, he might as well say. but he relents, if only because he'd claimed to want to help her. and maybe in part because he needs some help here, too. ]
Look, I don't know if I see her in any specific way, but it's not easy for me to let go of connections from these kinds of events.
[ the worst part is that this could have happened even without the event. he'd come on too strongly to darcy too, after his mirror had revealed himself to her. he'd felt responsible for making it better when he'd had nothing to do with it. he's fumbling now, because for ray this isn't necessarily an event problem. it's a ray palmer one. ]
It's not so much that I think of you tying my tie for me-- which is ridiculous by the way. It's more that I see you as someone I care about, even though I don't really know you.
I know that I'm real, and that my life was spent on the Waverider.
How real are these other lives? Are they possibilities or simply fabrications?
( she asks because she doesn't know. she has nothing to judge it against, no similar experience or other point of reference )
How real are these other lives? Are they possibilities or simply fabrications?
( she asks because she doesn't know. she has nothing to judge it against, no similar experience or other point of reference )
[ she's grateful, at least, that he words it as though it's his problem. he's the one who finds it difficult to scrub those associations from the record, so to speak, and divorce them utterly from who they should be with one another. still, it makes her worry just a little about whether that's a common stumbling block -- still, her thoughts drift to rip. and her expression sours.
but only for a second. it passes quickly enough. and in its wake she's left to confront the substance of what ray suggests. he cares -- a care unwanted and (peggy believes) undeserved. as he says: he doesn't really know her. ]
The bit with the tie was ridiculous, yes. [ she hems and haws her way through the remainder of her reaction -- temper still present, but cooled down to embers. hers, it seems, was a flash in the pan. ] But I'll confess that tying a tie is one of the small number of talents I actually share with that version. School uniform to army uniform -- [ she waggles the fingers on one hand. ] Might as well be muscle memory.
[ -- which isn't important, really. what's important is that he mentioned not knowing her, she owes him an answer to his earlier question still, and this is a step towards it. temper or no temper. not that it's a big step, really, because all the hints were already there. the year, the war, winston bloody churchill. it should be no surprise that she served in some capacity.
peggy hasn't yet decided whether that capacity will be aired today or not. ]
but only for a second. it passes quickly enough. and in its wake she's left to confront the substance of what ray suggests. he cares -- a care unwanted and (peggy believes) undeserved. as he says: he doesn't really know her. ]
The bit with the tie was ridiculous, yes. [ she hems and haws her way through the remainder of her reaction -- temper still present, but cooled down to embers. hers, it seems, was a flash in the pan. ] But I'll confess that tying a tie is one of the small number of talents I actually share with that version. School uniform to army uniform -- [ she waggles the fingers on one hand. ] Might as well be muscle memory.
[ -- which isn't important, really. what's important is that he mentioned not knowing her, she owes him an answer to his earlier question still, and this is a step towards it. temper or no temper. not that it's a big step, really, because all the hints were already there. the year, the war, winston bloody churchill. it should be no surprise that she served in some capacity.
peggy hasn't yet decided whether that capacity will be aired today or not. ]
[ ray can't help it-- his eyebrows raise with interest at peggy's confession. he smiles, too, because it makes sense that she was part of a regimented organization. it also made sense why they might clash a little more. it was the same as with oliver, and snart, and the jsa. he doesn't really do well with their sort of rigid social protocol. ]
I always kind of hated wearing business suits. It was nice to have a sort of uniform, but it was never one I felt right in.
[ he tries for self-deprecation, but he can't help comment on peggy's past: ]
I don't think I'd have lasted very long in the military, though. Discipline's not exactly my forte-- I'm pretty sure Rip has about forty-three percent more headaches than before he recruited me.
I always kind of hated wearing business suits. It was nice to have a sort of uniform, but it was never one I felt right in.
[ he tries for self-deprecation, but he can't help comment on peggy's past: ]
I don't think I'd have lasted very long in the military, though. Discipline's not exactly my forte-- I'm pretty sure Rip has about forty-three percent more headaches than before he recruited me.
[ it's awhile before he responds again, quiet in his what he wishes wasn't panic. he wishes his resolve against the mirrors was strong enough to make him break this one, now. ]
I know all about her, actually. Kind of a side effect of living together and being a team.
I know all about her, actually. Kind of a side effect of living together and being a team.
I can believe it.
[ whether 'it' is his incompatibility with discipline or the percentage-jump in mister hunter's frustration, she won't plainly say. both are valid enough. truth is, peggy hasn't been coping so well with authority these last two years. during the war, it had been different. dreadful as it was, circumstances had offered her every chance and opportunity to prove herself. again, and again, and again.
afterwards? well -- coffee carafes and lunch orders. filing and answering phones. all necessary bits and bobs of any organization's continues existence, yes, but so far from her wheelhouse. she'd been selfish in trying to shoulder her way back into danger, perhaps. desperate to recapture old conviction, if not old glory. ]
It was either enlist or stay home. At the time, the choice was -- well. I won't say it was easy. But neither was it difficult.
[ and the thing about discipline is that it's rather easy to stomach when you're the one drilling recruits. or delving behind enemy lines under low-supervision and high-disguise. discipline never chafed her, really, until after the war. she'd had a fine role model in her defiance. ]
And it certainly wasn't the sort of thing I envisioned for myself, either. [ a bob of her head, alluding to some common ground. by all rights, she shouldn't have lasted very long either. ] Wasn't really the done thing, you realize.
[ women in the field. ]
[ whether 'it' is his incompatibility with discipline or the percentage-jump in mister hunter's frustration, she won't plainly say. both are valid enough. truth is, peggy hasn't been coping so well with authority these last two years. during the war, it had been different. dreadful as it was, circumstances had offered her every chance and opportunity to prove herself. again, and again, and again.
afterwards? well -- coffee carafes and lunch orders. filing and answering phones. all necessary bits and bobs of any organization's continues existence, yes, but so far from her wheelhouse. she'd been selfish in trying to shoulder her way back into danger, perhaps. desperate to recapture old conviction, if not old glory. ]
It was either enlist or stay home. At the time, the choice was -- well. I won't say it was easy. But neither was it difficult.
[ and the thing about discipline is that it's rather easy to stomach when you're the one drilling recruits. or delving behind enemy lines under low-supervision and high-disguise. discipline never chafed her, really, until after the war. she'd had a fine role model in her defiance. ]
And it certainly wasn't the sort of thing I envisioned for myself, either. [ a bob of her head, alluding to some common ground. by all rights, she shouldn't have lasted very long either. ] Wasn't really the done thing, you realize.
[ women in the field. ]
I guess I should have. [ realized. ] I felt the same about Rip's offer.
[ he knows a little about making a hard choice because the alternative is unacceptable. when he'd started it all, after anna, he'd envisioned himself looking after starling city. offering free clean energy sources, and putting his money where his mouth was.
the best laid plans, huh? ]
Do you miss it? The-- service, I mean. Not the war, obviously.
[ an easy-ish conclusion to come to, given all the little details she's shared now. ]
[ he knows a little about making a hard choice because the alternative is unacceptable. when he'd started it all, after anna, he'd envisioned himself looking after starling city. offering free clean energy sources, and putting his money where his mouth was.
the best laid plans, huh? ]
Do you miss it? The-- service, I mean. Not the war, obviously.
[ an easy-ish conclusion to come to, given all the little details she's shared now. ]
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